his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
