he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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