If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize