so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
