Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
