i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
