Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We're too hungover to prance.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
