just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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