omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
