Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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