I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
