I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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