I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
True strength comes from lack of pants
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
