it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The Olympian is in my bed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
