That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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