My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
