I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
