Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
