The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
