Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
