She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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