I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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