whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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