They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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