I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
