Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
