I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
