i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
