woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
