It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
