Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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