he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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