You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
