i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
