guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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