is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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