It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
