last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
