you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
