Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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