I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
