I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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