No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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