It's Friday. Sex?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
