I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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