Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
