mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
