he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
