She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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