I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
