Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The Olympian is in my bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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