So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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