i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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