We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
