dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
