Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
