I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
