I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
