I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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