Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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