Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize