This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
