can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
