So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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