Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
