Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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