I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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