If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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