We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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