He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
