Jerry, you need to find god
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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