Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
