There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
