yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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