Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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