he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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