so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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