Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
