I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face