One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.