Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????

  (702): View more from Nevada

  God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.

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  (702): It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway. (775): Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ???? (702): God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight. http://tfl.nu/me93
  Replies (14) Good night (562) Bad night (2245)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.

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  (612): I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks. http://tfl.nu/pli4
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  you turned your livingroom into a bong?

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  (216): you turned your livingroom into a bong? http://tfl.nu/pj3a
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  (650): View more from California

  this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away

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  (650): this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away http://tfl.nu/b3o0
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop

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  (720): I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop http://tfl.nu/llg8
  Replies (36) Good night (5586) Bad night (1452) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.

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  (519): You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ggug
  Replies (29) Good night (6315) Bad night (941)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

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  (703): Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/fx2a
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone

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  (303): she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone http://tfl.nu/1ml1
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.

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  (715): I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help. http://tfl.nu/ztsu
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.

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  (206): Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats. http://tfl.nu/azi3
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated

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  (973): You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated http://tfl.nu/yaej
  Replies (6) Good night (987) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.

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  (502): He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine. http://tfl.nu/krqd
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...

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  (720): Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire... http://tfl.nu/8q2n
  Replies (4) Good night (742) Bad night (192)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, that's a plus.

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  (256): In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet. (1-256): Yeah, that's a plus. http://tfl.nu/i1dz
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  (530): View more from California

  I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.

  (1-530): View more from California

  It's like you're the voice of my soul.

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  (530): I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification. (1-530): It's like you're the voice of my soul. http://tfl.nu/xi0i
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