The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.