Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here