Barsexuality is the new black.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
