I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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