masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
