If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
