I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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